Tag Archive: Marriage


Gone Girl

GoneGirl

Once in a blue moon comes a movie which makes you sit out and watch it closely. I am not talking about those giant studio movie like Lord of the Rings or Marvel ones, but rather the ones with such an awesome storyline, a writer’s film.

I heard of the reviews that the movie is nice but after watching I realise how great it is, One friend summed it up perfectly , watching it was like “blessing in disguise”. The twists and turns were splendid, but from my point of view what I liked in the movie was the female character of Amy Elliott-Dunne, played by Rosamund Pike , I have never seen any other of her movies in which she has acted this well.  I actually felt vindicated when I saw this movie, the assumption of a woman as pure, non-violent , non- twisted, naive, a doormat in a relationship, sufferer etc is trashed completely here (Do I sound misogynistic , well that is for the reader to judge and not for me to comment )  . This movie’s story does puts marriage in a perfect prospective and who is capable of controlling whom in it.

 

The husband Nick Dunne (played by Ben Affleck) in the movie is accused of killing his wife who has disappeared  and is shown as a psychopath, as he lack empathy towards his wife (not knowing who her friends are , even her blood type) when quizzed by officers on her wife and then that Search photograph which is taken of him in which he is smiling. I accept that he is not the “perfect husband”, he cheats on his wife with a hot young girl but what he gets in return, I don’t think any man will want. The wife twists the entire investigation and makes it appear that he is the reason for her death, in fact he drives her to death. The thing which stands out in the movie is narration done from wife’s angle , how she wants to make him “feel” the pain.

I read somewhere that the author was a feminist (catch that ! ) and wondered that she killed feminism by writing the book , which was transformed into movie. I think she has done a good job , where she has shown the Anti-hero behavior a woman is also capable of , not the domain of men only. Plus, what is with feminist and women suffering issue, this movie proves the extend a woman will go to make her man suffer.   It is also said that the Gone Girl is based on Agatha Christie ‘s real life, when she went missing.  The Author Gillian Flynn is a fan of Agatha Christie.  In one interview the writer talks about such unhappy ending, stating that they are truth (to which I agree, we should address in books and movies which is real , not always fantasy stuff ). I really liked such an unhappy ending she gave to the book and then the movie, after all life is never sugar coated. The best are those movies which are adapted from good books and has shades of grey in it, in Hollywood they do it more often , in Bollywood however , there are very few people who do it well, Vishal Bhardwaj, Gulzar and Anurag Kashyap are ones which I remember and know currently (in 1960s and 1970s there were many) .

I loved the movie and watched it thrice at home, after watching it on cinema hall for the first time, I think I might give a go to the book also, when I have free time.

Gillian-Flynn-Gone-Girl-Buch

There are two line which his lawyer and the investigating offices says to him in the end, which stand out.

  1. You two fucked up people are made for each other
  2. Just don’t piss her off

The movie from the viewpoint of young people is a total nightmare, in which you may walk in unsuspectingly i.e a “fucked up Marriage” with a total psychopath. No wonder, you would question the futility of marriage as they are doing world over after watching the movie, the movies which make you question are the movie worth watching, just like some books are worth reading, since time is way to precious to be spent on no-brainers (like they make these days in Bollywood and which earn millions).

 

Box Office:

The movie was released on 3 October 2014, made at a cost of $61 Million  and has grossed $331 Million, now that is success both financially and critically.

 

 

 

Over the years there has been a raging debate in the world society of late regarding the cousin and same clan marriages. The south Asian societies usually had a traditional system where it was avoided to be married into one’s own clan and that too of your mother, thereby propagating conventional wisdom that cousin marriages are absolutely NO-NO.

Same is the case for the American society where cousin marriages are frowned upon baring President Roosevelt who married his distant cousin (one doubts however that there has been some other, with cousin marriage who may have become president of United Sates of America). Though, the phenomenon of cousin marriages was usually among the royals of Europe, who use to use it to keep the bloodline “PURE”.

Similarly the tribes of Middle East have massive levels of cousin marriages which is no way related with Islamic practice in particular or is in Quran but a lot to do with the tribal norms of certain tribe (particularly of Arab societies). When a certain group becomes socio-economically powerful then they exert their own “ideologies” on others without understanding the consequences of it. Thereby, trying to institutionalize it via a religious norm in order to propagate authority. Though now with introduction of genetic research being carried out in Arabian countries, the lawmakers of the region understand the fallacy of such unions.

Over the years, scientists have performed genetic evaluations and research in order to find the answers regarding Spanish Habsburg Dynasty’s EXTINCTION.

Habsburg Dynasty was one of the most powerful dynasties in the world who commanded large amount of Europe for over 200 years since 1516–1700. The members of the dynasty frequently married close relatives in such a way that uncle-niece, first cousins and other consanguineous unions were prevalent in that dynasty. In the historical literature, it has been suggested that inbreeding was a major cause responsible for the extinction of the dynasty when the king Charles II, physically and mentally disabled, died in 1700 and no children were born from his two marriages. When Charles II died in 1700 the line of the Spanish Habsburgs died with him and a new dynasty- the French Bourbons- was installed in Spain.

Though many in Spain never got to analyze the genomes of the members of dynasty but there was a widespread belief that it was something rotten in their bloodline which resulted in their end (as staunch Roman Catholics donot like the concept of cousin marriages).

The issue of incestuous or cousin relationship could be seen in the book by Gabriel García Márquez named One Hundred years of solitude (my guess is that Spanish society still is fascinated about the entire Habsburg Dynasty extinction issue and writers try to experiment or play and test with the issue.) . However the book is not only that, it offers an in-depth account to settlers of Europe in South America, a must read and one recommends it with two thumbs up.

Coming back to topic of Habsburg Dynasty. Charles II, was dubbed El Hechizado (“The Hexed”), was the produce of an uncle-niece marriage — Phillip IV with his niece Mariana of Austria. His grandfather Philip III was also born of an uncle-niece marriage — Philip II with his niece Anna of Austria.

According to contemporary writings, he was short and weak and suffered from intestinal problems and sporadic hematuria (the presence of red blood cells in the urine). He did not speak until age 4 and did not walk until age 8.Such detrimental health effects are often seen in children of consanguineous marriage because they are more likely to inherit rare deleterious recessive versions of genes. Charles II’s disorders and illnesses are also evidence of the inbreeding of the line.

The high degree of relatedness of these rulers’ parents combined with the remote inbreeding in the lineage likely had a significant impact on the eventual extinction of the line.

There was a stark rate of infant and child mortality in the Habsburg families. Only about 60 percent of infants survived to age 1, and only half of the children born to the dynasty survived to age 10, compared with about 80 percent survival of infants in Spanish villages at the time.

Gonzalo Alvarez from the University of Santiago de Compostela has confirmed that inbreeding indeed was the reason for the extinction of this dynasty. He traced the pedigree of the entire line back through 16 generations, including over 3,000 people.

For each person, he calculated a figure called the “inbreeding coefficient”, symbolised by the letter F. It measures the probability that a person with two identical copies of a gene inherited both from the same ancestor. For example, a child born to cousins has an F value of 0.0625, but it becomes much higher if the parents come from a long line of inbred couples. The higher the value, the greater the degree of inbreeding in that lineage.

It is more like this suppose paternal grandfather has certain issue in his immune system; say Hemophilia genetic disorders which mean the body’s inability to control bleeding. The bleeding might be exterior, if the skin is broken by a cut, scrape, or abrasion, or it can be interior, into joints, muscles, or organs which are hollow. Here after a wound the body does not heal easily.

If a grandfather has that gene, the same will be passed onto the sons and daughters. If the grandchildren marry ie perform cousin marriages then it would lead to exponential increase in the faulty genome which would aggravate the problem of Hemophilia in the offspring.

There has been research going on in Arab world, wherein after the economic rise of middle east owing to the success of Oil wealth, the sheiks are trying to solve the genetic disease parameters and the young are resisting the age old tradition of cousin marriages.

The inbreeding coefficient of the Spanish Habsburg kings increased strongly along generations from 0.025 for king Philip I, the founder of the dynasty, to 0.254 for Charles II and several members of the dynasty had inbreeding coefficients higher than 0.20. In addition to inbreeding due to unions between close relatives, ancestral inbreeding from multiple remote ancestors makes a substantial contribution to the inbreeding coefficient of most kings. A statistically significant inbreeding depression for survival to 10 years is detected in the progenies of the Spanish Habsburg kings. The results indicate that inbreeding at the level of first cousin (F = 0.0625) exerted an adverse effect on survival of 17.8% 612.3. It is speculated that the simultaneous occurrence in Charles II (F = 0.254) of two different genetic disorders: combined pituitary hormone deficiency and distal renal tubular acidosis, determined by recessive alleles at two unlinked loci, could explain most of the complex clinical profile of this king, including his impotence/infertility which in last instance led to the extinction of the dynasty.

The formula for F, the inbreeding coefficient is:   FI = Σ (0.5)i X ( 1 + FA )

If drift becomes powerful enough it can lead the population toward extinction through mutational meltdown.

When miscarriages, stillbirths and neonatal deaths were removed from the analysis, the inbreeding effect on survival to 10 years was found more consistent and both multiple and logistic regressions show a clear inbreeding depression in the inbred offspring.

In short cousin marriages is an issue, however the laws of the Europe still do not prohibit incestuous relationship (a byproduct of ultra-liberalism which does not takes into account scientific evaluation), though it is been said that having children is a cause since grown up adults can have any form of sexual relation. There are certain states in Unites States too where incest has been legalize but the offspring of such a union is without doubt not considered healthy by the genetics scientists.

Therefore certain societies prohibit cousin marriages or marrying into the same clans. It has been prevalent among south Asian and central Asian societies but with arrival of Islam and with influence of Arabic culture things started changing in south and central Asia. Even for that matter Prophet Mohammad himself said on many occasions that if you want to have fit and strong child do not marry into your own clan.

It has been found in many of the Pakistani British families that they exists an inbreeding depression syndrome which have led to pre mature deaths of many kids. The govt of Britain chooses not to interfere as it may turn into a political fight where they may be accused of islamophobia but fact and rationality of genetics give credibility to practice of not marrying your cousins and into your clan.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/firstcousin-marriages-come-under-scrutiny-7626995.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1394119/Its-time-confront-taboo-First-cousin-marriages-Muslim-communities-putting-hundreds-children-risk.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1392217/Muslim-outrage-professor-Steve-Jones-warns-inbreeding-risks.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2001821/Why-need-action-end-tragedy-disabled-babies-born-Muslims-marry-cousins.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1305078/TAZEEN-AHMAD-Three-uncles-deaf-Five-aunts-died-babies-Why-My-grandparents-cousins-married.html

I must say that one found very interesting statistics on razib Khan’s blog that

The highest levels of inbreeding in major populations have been found in urban Pondicherry (South India) and among army families in Pakistan where 54.9% and 77.1% of marriages are consanguineous, respectively…In Pondicherry 20.2% of marriages are uncle-niece and 31.3% first cousins, whereas in the Pakistan study 62.5% of marriages are between first cousins.

The question finally boils down to that should we be so selfish that it may affect our future generations or using words like liberalization or modernization we are trying to live in a world of self denial and illusion. As passing of law prohibiting such unions is always considered to be regressive but having children out of close relatives or within ones own clan which sets in regressive gene is not consider regressive.

References for people who wish to read more on this topic and wish to have a look at original research :

http://www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0005174

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/gnxp/2009/04/inbreeding-the-downfall-of-the-spanish-hapsburgs/

http://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/04/how_inbreeding_killed_off_a_line_of_kings.php

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090312125403.htm

http://www.nature.com/hdy/journal/v73/n4/abs/hdy1994183a.html

Kahlil Gibran on Marriage

Now since it is the season of marriage in India (usually there are two seasons winters and summers, in winters it starts from November to February, summers I think it is from May to August ) and many  people who I know are getting married (friends, cousins and acquaintances). I just glanced through Kahlil Gibran’s book just to get an idea about his thoughts on this matter.

Khalil Gibran’s poetry and more importantly his book The Prophet gives a very good insight for the married, just married or about to be married couples.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

If you ever browse through Internet on the term blue eyes or in dictionary. You are most likely to find this

    1. air-haired, white-haired, colloquialism– a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech
      loved – held dear; “his loved companion of many years”
    2. Blue-eyed – having blue eyes, having an eye or eyes or eye like feature especially as specified; often used in combination; “a peacock’s eyed feathers”; “red-eyed”

Now it has been quite sometime since I saw that documentary on discovery about blue-eyed men mad over blue-eyed women. Their desires to marry a blue-eyed female and rating them “more” attractive than brown-eyed or black-eyed women/ girls. The whole thing is none the less fascinating to me. According to a study  published in the Springer journal Behavioral Ecology and Sociobiology, show that blue-eyed men find blue-eyed women more attractive than brown-eyed women.  According to the researchers, it is because there could be an unconscious male adaptation for the detection of paternity, based on eye color.

The reason for the preference among blue eyed men, according to the thesis, is that eye color is a Mendelian trait, and that blue-eyed men “unconsciously” become more secure in their paternity (i.e. that their wives weren’t cheating no need for DNA testing 🙂 ) by marrying other blue-eyed people who give birth to their blue-eyed children. Women have no preference because they are assured of their maternity when the baby comes from their bodies, and brown-eyed men have no preference because their children could be brown eyed or blue eyed, depending on the alleles of their (and their partners’) genes. According to the thesis, this preference of blue-eyed men for blue-eyed women developed over time through evolution which selected blue-eyed men who were assured of their paternity.

The laws of genetics state that eye color is inherited as follows:

  1. If both parents have blue eyes, the children will have blue eyes.
  2. The brown eye form of the eye color gene (or allele) is dominant, whereas the blue eye allele is recessive.
  3. If both parents have brown eyes yet carry the allele for blue eyes,  a quarter of the children will have blue eyes, and three quarters will have brown eyes.

It then follows that if a child born to two blue-eyed parents does not have blue eyes, then the blue-eyed father is not the biological father. It is therefore reasonable to expect that a man would be more attracted towards a woman displaying a trait that increases his paternal confidence, and the likelihood that he could uncover his partner’s sexual infidelity. ( this one was quite amusing, suppose if by chance they have a brown eyed child then.. ? 🙂 )

In  another study, a group of 443 young adults of both sexes and different eye colors were asked to report the eye color of their romantic partners.  Blue-eyed men were the group with the largest proportion of partners of the same eye color. I was not able to find the video on Internet for that maybe discovery can upload it so that people can see. One more thing, will the blue eyed female and male be called racist for selecting “the” partners by others who wanted to mate with them but didn’t get the opportunity ?  Just a thought that went into my mind.


This question has plagued me for quite some years as what is difference in the behavioral aspect of a female who is educated from same sex to the girls who has been educated in a co-ed school. Convent school education is generally gender specific that is boys only or girls only. The focus is to keep them at bay which is not cases in public schools. Now likely so when such guys and girls meet opposite sex they have variety of thoughts and usually these thoughts vary in extreme and so do their behavior.

In a recent study in India it was found that most parents want their children to get a coed education this is driven by the fact that guys should not feel depleted from the presence of girls and girls for one could learn to handle guys better.

It is also seen that those in coed education have better in handling opposite sex issues such as in work place and in relationships too they are better.

“Upon meeting girls from all-girls school and they suggested me to Co-ed school only” says one of the parent. “The reason they cited was that in a all-girl or all-boy schools the kids become “excessive attracted towards opposite sex”. Later they may also develop cold feet talking, mixing with opp. sex .Moreover, recently, I read an article where it stated that each boy and girl should be nurtured in a normal way in other word co-ed should be the right environment for proper mental growth”,he adds further

Though another one counters it by saying “I say this from my personal experience as well: I had always been in convents and was a good student. 9th to 12th I moved to a mainstream top school that was co-ed. I noticed the girls were very self conscious. The boys dominated the class discussions. In  the convents, we girls were really boisterous, had tons of loud fun and of course we did the silly giggling and talking about boys but that was it. I feel the girls in the new school lacked confidence and were very conscious of how they appeared to the boys. They had already started playing second fiddle to the guys at this young age! ”

Undoubtedly the institution is priority before getting into co-ed and all-boys or all-girls schools debate but lets assume that we are comparing schools which are same in terms of education but issue is more for same gender or co-ed education. Some parents especially in the case of girls might want out of protectiveness or conservatism that the girl need to be in all girls school. Since they might feel uncomfortable of their girl mixing with boys.

In Britain all-boys schools are booming in Britain as more and more parents are now shunning the idea of co-ed institutions as those apparently led boys to act “tough” or “play the fool”.

Though in term of personality if we talk then the child’s personality depends quite a lot on parents for example if a mother is strong dominating woman then it is more likely that her daughter ought to be if not same but confident. Same goes for the son , it is the confidence instilled by the parents in the child which would matter the most.

The question which seem to bugs me more is that some parents choose to keep their girls or boys in same sex schools so that they could avoid them to be “sexual” and when the right time comes they will pack their wards off to a marriage with their suitable choice. Though the outcome of such union is always a dicey one as if either of the bride or groom have been in same sex school then certain things can really get difficult at home.

In one of the forms I read a comment which I found quite correct by  Kashish Mahajan “hey according to my opinion go for co-ed school it not only gives a child confidence but also teaches him/her how to behave while sitting among or with different types of people. it also gives us experience with different kind of people and moreover it is the best way to build a person’s social understanding so without any hesitation go for it get your daughter in a co-ed. I m also a girl and knows that truly.”


There are some interesting findings over the years about same sex schools :

  1. The popular belief about same-sex education was that it upheld general stereotypes about gender, such as women should study nursing and men should study engineering. Experts at that time believed that coeducation dispelled those gender myths. That ideology turned out to be relatively inaccurate.
  2. Boys in coed schools are less likely to take up the arts in fear of being labeled a homosexual.
  3. Boys are also less likely to take advanced courses in fear of being labeled a geek.
  4. Girls, on the other hand have experienced some of the same problems on the reverse side.
  5. Girls avoid math and science in order to not seem masculine.
  6. Socially, same-sex schools are emotionally easier on students. Stereotypes based on gender are not a huge issue in these settings.
  7. Girls are more outspoken and competitive when boys are not around to tease them.
  8. Girls feel more comfortable participating in sports and traditionally male dominated fields when boys are not watching.
  9. Boys become less competitive and collaborate more because they don’t have to worry about girls’ opinions of them.
  10. Boys feel free to participate in the arts with a class full of other boys.
  11. Studies have also suggested that the benefits are more evident in girls, lower income families and minorities.
  12. Author Rosemary Salomone, argues that there is a place for same-sex schools. In her book, Same, Different, Equal: Rethinking Single-Sex Education (Yale University Press 2005), she examines the benefits of single-sex education in the public realm.

But like all there is a flip side too:

  1. Some opponents also suspect that same-sex schooling will either push students into exploring homosexual relationships,
  2. It could lead high level of curiosity and desire for opposite sex in both male and female which may spill problem in later stages of life when in marriage or work places full of opposite sex.
  3. It could increase gender stereotypes and homophobia.

In my research on the topic things which i have found is that parents of girls are more inclined to get them into same sex school rather than the parents of boys. They have said that it is got to do more with the gender-bias that the girls might have to endure in a co-ed education along with harassment from boys which might deplete the girls confidence.I couldn’t agree with them because in my own experience I have seen enough girls raising their view point which are sensible also being appreciated and applauded by boys .By not allowing girls to face the realities of life these parents are doing a great injustice to their girls because sooner or later they will get a taste of real world conflicts why not start strengthening them from childhood.

As for boys well if I may say so, without girls around I don’t think they might behave properly and more so feel a desire to prove themselves.Additionally a harmless chats with females will help understand woman folk better and become part of their education process.

Though the theories and debates that same sex school might be good for your wards grade might hold true but it doesn’t necessarily guarantees that your ward will have good relationships : either friendship or marriage.

The Bride-Soul by Kabir

Kabir

The Bride – Soul Longs for Her Husband, The Beloved

When will that day dawn, Mother;

When the One I took birth for

Holds me to His heart with deathless love?

I long for the bliss of divine union.

I long to lose my body, mind, and soul

And become one with my husband.

When will that day dawn, Mother?

Husband, fulfil now the longing I have had

Since before the universe was made.

Enter me completely and release me.

In terrible lonely years without You

I yearn and yearn for You.

I spend sleepless nights hunting for You,

Gazing into darkness after You,

With unblinking hopeless eyes.

When will that day dawn, Mother?

When will my Lord hold me to His heart?

My empty bed, like a hungry tigress,

Devours me whenever I try to sleep.

Listen to your slave’s prayer –

Come and put out this blaze of agony

That consumes my soul and body.

When will He hold me to His heart?

When will that day dawn, Mother?

Kabir sings, “If I ever meet You, my Beloved,

I’ll cling to you so fiercely You melt into me;

I’ll sing from inside You songs of union,

World-dissolving songs of Eternal Bliss.”

Love, Honour and killing

Recently in news we have seen a lot about honour killings in the parts of haryana and Punjab and a lot has been written against it too. This phenomenon according to media is generally associated with martial races or “martial natured religions” in particular which includes jats, gujjars, rajputs, bhumiars, sikhs, Muslims, Christians, jews etc. Though characterizing it just in certain identifiable regions to religions to communities to countries would be gross understudy. This pattern  has been prevalent in human society may it be “progressive” or “regressive” for time immemorial. It needs to be seen more in the lines of sociology and psychology.

Some excerpt from news:

Virtually taking law into its own hands, a Khap mahapanchayat (caste-based council) in Haryana’s Jat heartland “rejected” the Hindu Marriage Act and asked politicians to promise a new law as per its diktat if they wanted votes in the coming parliamentary elections.
The decision to reject the act came following a meeting of 46 khaps at Narwana town of Jind district, 180 km from Chandigarh, attended by 250 representatives of various khaps.

“The Hindu Marriage Act does not address intra-village or intra-gotra (sub-community) marriages. We want the politicians, who seek our Jat votes, to promise that a new law would be passed in Parliament to address our community issues,” Pawanjit Banwala, president of the Akhil Bhartiya Adarsh Jat Mahasabha, said.

“We will not spare anyone who defies our stand. Law is made for society, society is not made for law,” Banwala said.

Though recently it is been focuss on jats, it is has been prevalent in many communities in northern India. Let us understand why the whole community is against “one form of love “.  Apparently a female and a male cannot marry into her/his father’s, mother’s and paternal grand mother’s gotra ie Clan.

A clan is something of lineage line that come through father’s side , it is identified by their surnames.

Eg:

Boy: Kabir Grewal        (Grewal his clan)

Father: Rajbir Grewal      (Grewal his clan)

Mother: Sujata Ahlawat Grewal

(In this case mother’s clan before marriage was Ahlawat and after marriage became Grewal)

Paternal Grandmother: Kalavati Hooda Grewal

(In this case paternal grandmothers` clan was Hooda but once she married to grandfather it became Grewal)

Now the lad cannot marry any girl from Ahlawat clan or from Hooda clan cause it will be termed as Incest since it matches his mother’s clan and that of grandmother’s clan and certainly not into his own Grewal clan, this goes same for the girl too irrespective of the regions and countries. Though it is a complex patrilineal system but has been in existence since Hundreds of years.

In earlier times in jats even maternal grandmother’s gotras ie her surname was also considered for marriage

Eg:

Maternal Grandmother:  Satyawati Gehlot Ahlawat

(Then the boy cannot marry any girl from Gehlot clan too)

Those who have married within their gotras it is said that their immune system plays a havoc ie is to say the child born out of such a union will not last long and might not be in good health and this seems to backed by the theory of Indian gotra traditions to which spur across various communities in India.

Then there was another case where villages which are governed by same “khap” consider each other brothers and sisters and are forbidden from marrying each other, This seems to be heated debate topic since those regions which have urbanized no youngster wishes to follow age old traditions and “khap” which was formed to fight of Invasions on northern Indian land now are eroding, but they are trying to keep their authority intact and thereby leading to clash among “modern” and “ancient” or “young” and “old”.

Though the traditions are old and ancient it seems to hold a lot of value still in remotes parts of northern India. In cases of educated or “modern” jats they believe traditions should change with society, that is certain marrying traditions should be let go, one such was leaving maternal grandmothers` gotra or surname which seemed to be a norm about 30 years back and some have even started to leave their paternal grandmother’s gotra or surname since finding suitable matches became a difficulty.

In no way is honour killing justified and is abhorical but those not from community their voicing it and targeting the community will not solve any purpose. The change needs to come from within the community especially those who can make difference since they would be suitable and sensitive to their cause and their community rather than someone who is not from their community because a sense of alienation remains and those from outside are considered “outsiders”.

If those within community don’t take up this cause it would reflect badly on them and notoriety of honour killing will always be associated with the community, but the youth it seems in recent times is more than willing to take up the cause and it is on them now that the onus of the community lies.

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natycalinescu (NATY ELA)

Smile! Tomorrow will be better than today!

Serene and Sweet

Where Inspiration Overflows for Every Human Soul

Iza's photoblog

Photos from the places I've visited

LensTHERAPY

Passions of art, camera and travel

Jolene Hanson

Dare to dream beyond the borders of your hometown

Memorabillion

The Visual Journey of Billion Memories

Sue Ann's Balcony

Looking at the bigger picture

Manipal's Photo Blog

Because a picture paints a thousand words

Nature & Travel Pix

A Photo Blog of an amateur photographer.

C. A. Husted

A jumbled mess of creativity.

the new normal.

Redefining what it means to be a successful adult

Grit & Honey

Women clothed in strength. Your story isn't over yet.

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